New Year's Eve

2010 ending, 2011 beginning, reasons to be cheerful, 1 , 2, 3

Healthy, wealthy & wise
Wonderful friends
Lovely family to enjoy especially nephew & niece
Birds birds birds
6music will be there to play ace new tunes
Di's cancer got removed!
Building friendships with work colleagues
We can defeat this philistine government, together united we'll never be defeated!

Happy New Year xxx

It's been a hard week.  Emotionally very up and down, mainly down.  Started to feel quite introverted, tired, tearful.  Then I had some valued chats with friends online - FB last night & Skype first thing this morning which made me feel part of the human race again.  And driving to pick up nephew & niece, I heard Lesley Manville's inheritance tracks on Saturday Live.  She talked about how one song made her feel incredibly sad, and that she listened to it in her dressing room at a time when she was very low.  And she expressed something I've been running away from, that it is OK to be sad sometimes.  It made me cry, but almost with relief.  I've been fighting the 'negative' emotions of sadness, perhaps because for much of my life I've felt that I'm sad without any reason to be, which antidepressants have brought me out of.  So now this is a time when it's OK to cry, and OK not to put on the brave face all the time. And that's made me feel better :-)

Bit of a moan

I started this blog a couple of years ago, with the intention of noting positive thoughts etc, to shift my sometimes negative outlook.  But sod it I'm fed up & I'm going to moan.  Better out than in.  And I can always delete it.  And misery lit is very popular, so maybe this will be the start of a great literary career.  But the trouble is heartbreak is boring as well.  I just feel so boring always feeling sad, and lonely, and rejected.  And that's not a good way to be and doesn't encourage new relationships.  God I am so privileged and so miserable.  And yet I've just looked at this and I feel better!  Phew, thank goodness I'm so fickle & have mood swings.


My sweet niece took in her stride the news today that she won't be seeing my ex-husband again.  I told them that when they come to see me at Christmas, he won't be there because he doesn't live in my house anymore.  She said 'So you're not married anymore?' and I said no, so she said 'well you'll just have to marry someone else'.  Ah, the optimism of youth.