ch ch ch changes

So I'm a singleton again, for the first time in 25 years. And there is a lot of emotion churning around in me, which is leading to some sleeping difficulties, so I've decided to update this to let some of it out, and maybe help process what's happening.

My friends have kept me going. I've always thrived on the company of people I feel relaxed with, and it's been so important over the last few weeks.

But I still feel cast adrift, furiously finding the positives in order to mask the deep pain and sense of loss I'm feeling.

Time will heal, and I just want to fast forward to when it has. I've no sense of how long that will be.

I really miss the sharing - laughs, food, entertainment, wonder at nature. I can have that with good friends, but there's nobody for all of it,and I do miss that. Keep thinking about a pet. amyone know a dog who's into the Wire?

I also skirt round the idea that there are lessons to learn. Is it too soon for that? I haven't talked to L about what went wrong, my thoughts are that we could both have behaved differently to improve things. But I felt too tired to keep trying. I didn't fight his decision at all. I don't think that was defeatist, but there are no certainties.

So last day of the working week, going to London tomorrow. I must plan a holiday.